The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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