New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
