Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
