We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
