She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Randomize
