theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
