my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
dude i'm inner monologue high
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
