Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
