This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
