While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
