i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
You don't make any sense
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