if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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