Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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