Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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