is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
