Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
