I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Acid is not a monday night drug
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She even gives head with a lisp.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
