Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
