can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
