my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
