you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
