Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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