i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
