You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
