now i know why i became what i already was.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
