i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
