do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
