hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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