trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
