Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
