I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize