dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
