Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
