My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
