I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
everyone is single if you try hard enough
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
