Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
