the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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