I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize