Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
