Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
