I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
