We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
