My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize