the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
