Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
