i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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