when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I wish my penis had an off switch
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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