hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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