You made me cry and you don't even care
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
