Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
