My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
