Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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