I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
