Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
wow bdsm is so cute
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
