I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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