I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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