one word: firstdatebathroomanal
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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