i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
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