just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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