Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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