Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
