just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Randomize
