Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
