My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
only you would photoshop your dick
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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