And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
