I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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