I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
