He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
