remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
