i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize