you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
