btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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