watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
