i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
