does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
