hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
