next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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