If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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