people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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