I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
