the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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