We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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