I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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