i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
