Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize