no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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