I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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