My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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