I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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