You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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