I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
