Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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