Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize