Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
