A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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