you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
