I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just cropdusted the office
I'm passing your future prison.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Randomize