dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
