Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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