it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
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