Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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