At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
