YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
