yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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