I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
