Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
