"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
