Don't you send me to vm
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
