It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
