now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
