i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
