I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize