I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize