i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
